Day 35: The Day of Darkness

Q: "Why do you want to come and work for our company?"
A: "two plus two equals four"

No, I don't want to work for your company but society dictates what I do so therefore I'm applying for this job that is way underpaid and that I'm overqualified for. Sounds a little uppity, doesn't it? That is, however, the reality of my situation and countless others. I've suffered enough acetylene hair disasters, propane explosions, freon "accidents", and "lets warm up by the diesel exhaust" situations for this lifetime. Combine that with 5 years of office work, you either lose the will, or you lose the ability to live. If the environment doesn't kill you, the companies are so badly managed they're either going to fire you for exposing their small brains and penises or lay you off once all ability to make a profit has been lost.

So Monday was definitely my day of darkness. It is Tuesday, right? Ah, I don't really know anymore. Burned out. Hard. And then I drank tea. Talked to people who could form sentences without barking for punctuation, who knew me better than I knew me. Then somehow the missing piece of the puzzle appeared. Thus the missing day of my blog. But I'm unemployed, days can be 48 hours. It's all part of the downward spiral. But yes, another epiphany. This one is going to stick, though. Hell, I have time to tell you about it, so here goes...

7:00am: Woke up and thought, "what the hell am I doing?". Went back to sleep.
8:00am: Ditto
9:00am: Woke up and poured myself some Rice Krispies, turned on the computer, and cried. 3 job more job rejections. On top of it, I'd prefer eating out of dumpsters in India than working for those companies. I'm hitting rock bottom. Scraping the bottom of the barrel. Selling my soul to the goat god. Checking out. You get the picture.
9:30am: Showered, basked in the glory of my last piece of Lush soap (nah, just kidding you. Got s**tloads of that stuff. I'd starve before I'd go without Lush)
10:30am: Got an oil change and a haircut. All at the same place. And attention oil changing boy, I asked for an oil change, not a detailed description of everything that's falling off my car. I know my oil is the least of my problems - I AM UNEMPLOYED. Which means I have NO JOB. I have problems that far extend the STD you gave your girlfriend this weekend)
12:30pm: EPIPHANY. Of course, it usually happens around lunchtime after the 7th coffee of the day.
12:45pm: Ignored epiphany and went to the gym. I can't handle epiphanies with an expanding butt.
3:30pm: Revisited epiphany. I can't keep applying for jobs that are short-term and that will eventually force me to shoot everyone that pisses me off, has an over-sized head, or enormous feet that resemble sleeping dogs. I am going back to school. Uh huh. Yet again. This time, this time it's for something I think I can handle. Writinnnngggggggg. Your like, "oh F***. She's never going to get it, is she?" True. I'm never going to get it. But I'm going to do this because even if I'm writing technical manuals for the rest of my life, there's a good chance I A. will enjoy every sentence of "how to turn on your fax machine" and B. Can do it occasionally from a beach in Thailand. See where I'm going with this? It's all about the beaches and cheap beer...always thinking...

A friend did point out yesterday that I should find something that I like to do everyday and run with it. Therefore he's 100% responsible for anything I do from this day forward. I was originally thinking, I like eating pie. Can I eat pie everyday? I like running around without any pants on. Can I just do that? I suppose the answer is yes to all of the above because I'm collecting unemployment and who the hell cares. But the scary thing is, what happens when the unemployment runs out? I'm feeling the hobo look coming on now, what am I going to look like in a year when I'm still sitting in my living room thinking about how many M&Ms can fit into my mouth at once and I'm left with one pair of pants and a hole in the ass? Did you know an "executive assistant" is a secretary? I didn't. But that could be my future if I don't do something completely stupid now. There is never a better time to be completely stupid than right now. My day of darkness is over. I'm going to celebrate.