Yes. I was gifted with a flat tire today. A nice big juicy nail smack in the middle of my tire. Since I do alot of construction work myself (couldn't hit a nail with a hammer to save my life), it was just a matter of time one of these nails should fall off my Ford Focus's tailgate and jam itself into my tire. Just a quick "cheers" to all you construction dudes with big trucks out there and miscellaneous hardware bouncing around in the back that you were either too lazy or too stoned to put back in your tool kit. And no, that prostitute you just picked up in the bar does not have STDs and you won't slowly rot from it. Go buy another truck and $500,000 home and have a few more babies with your third wife. She won't leave you. Honest.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Felt so good. I'm done now.
The day started off well. I had no plans of putting my pants on and that was working well for me until about 11am. Then I get the "we're going to Costco" call. I lost the will to live around 3pm today, about the time I realized 35 bottles of water is rediculously FREAKING HEAVY and were not going to all make it to my apartment. Add 20 lemons, 2 vats of guacamole (there really is no method to my shopping, please don't try to make sense of it. I just like guacamole. And lemons. And mushrooms), a pound of mushrooms (I like all mushrooms equally but today was portobello. I don't know what to do with them, and I'm sure they will go well with the eggplant in my fridge that will remain in the fridge for the rest of its natural life), and 6 liters of Soy Milk. It would have been easier giving piggy-back rides to rabid, hungry bears. This all happened after I discovered a flat tire. No doubt the ride was a bumpy one. Made things a little exciting, living on the edge, waiting for the blow-out. Never happened.
Nothing much to tell you. I'm going to go watch dvds and eat guacomole. I'd just like to give a "hey" to Jenn. Jenn, go get 'em girl. Get fired. Come to the dark side. You will make an excellent EMT and I'll call 911 every weekend so you can come over to my place and drink martinis when your working! Happy birthday, this is a gift, I hope you will begin to realize that soon. You've got so much potential and you don't even realize it. I've only met you once, but I've got all the faith in the world in you. I know it hurts, it's like being dumped by a really ugly guy. But do you really want to sleep with the really ugly guy? I don't think you can close your eyes tight enough. I really don't.
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