Day 46: I Have a Dream...

I HAD a dream. It involved some really polite, cute little rats moving entire houses all over the city and high-fiving everyone once the job was done. Too bad I don't remember more, it was really quite good, it had a real community feel to it. Maybe that's what I'm missing, the community. Or the rats, who knows. Apparently we don't have rats in Alberta, they're really ratist out here. I mean, is it necessary to hate on the little brown dudes (are they brown? I've only ever seen them in the dark), they just need food like the rest of us. There's tonnes of grain for everyone, isn't there? I'm feeling pretty good about my intestinal tract myself, I could share mine.

Yeah, community. It can really help in the jobhunting world. My only community out here is Remedy, and nobody pays much attention to me there unless I've brushed my hair. Unfortunately, I've been forced to avoid Remedy this week because it has been extra stinky lately and I'm getting kind of tired of smelling like Indian food. Well, I did go last night but only because I figured by 10pm I wasn't going out with anyone that cared. If you do get a date after 10pm in Edmonton, the dude wreaks of weed anyway, he's not caring what you smell like. Or look like. But those dates never go to well, they never remember who you are and it's like a blind date every week for them. I get tired of introducing myself to the same guy 10 dates in a row. It gets old. But what I hate about Remedy is what I love about Remedy, showering and brushing your hair is not required.

Yes, I do have a dream. It's a simple dream, really. Part of that dream includes company career websites that weren't developed by small, possibly mentally challenged children (likely the offspring of management) so when I click the backbutton on their webpage,it doesn't take me back to page 1 every time even though I've finally made it to page 99 (16 hours later). Or how about a job that actually trains you for a few hours instead of putting in the job description 20 different certificate requirements on top of your degree/diploma/10 other certificates. I'm pretty sure WHIMIS can be completed in an hour or 2 of training, should we really have to spend $100 to go get something that will expire by the time they call us for an interview, anyway? How about we all just lie? Yeah, that's more likely what's going to happen. You see, when your unemployed and finally do get a job and jump through the hoops, your so freaking broke your eating throwaways out of the staff kitchen's garbage, grocery shopping in the staff kitchen's fridge, and stealing the recyclables for gas money until they finally decide to give you a paycheck 2 months later, minus deductions for a "social fund" (yeah, right, I want a refund for every social fund I've ever contributed to, Saturday picnics with clowns and hayrides don't do it for me, or anyone else with less than 5 kids and a LIFE), union, and other miscellaneous health "benefits" that cost YOU money. Or how about a job opportunity that doesn't require fluency in English, Dutch, Italian, AND Chinese? Talk about corporate down-sizing, cheap bastards.

If you get a chance, rent the movie "Fired" by Annabelle Gurwitch. She did an excellent piece on Lansing, Michigan after GM closed its doors there. I don't think she meant to do anything ground-breaking, after all she got fired by Woody Allen for being a "retard" (Woody's words, not mine). However, it showed a town that would do anything to keep their jobs, union and all. Something you don't read in the papers or hear on the news. Media selling advertisements to these companies or are even owned by these companies will always blame the person being shown the door. YOU wanted a union. YOU wanted benefits. YOU wanted to be able to send your children to school for a better life. Here's YOUR pink slip, you retard (Woody's words, not mine). The Lansing employees were ready to give all that up so GM could keep the doors open in their city. But, GM management all got bonuses, and the lines-people all got the unemployment line, something planned years before the employees even had a clue. What's new? And do the people of Lansing know that GM, the "family" company, has been furiously advertising in weed culture magazines? Strange how they moved operations to Mexico, got a huge government buyout, and began a full page ad campaign in major weed culture magazines all at the same time...hmmmmm....

So here is my dream, a company that doesn't profit off of little Juan's early grave, a company that hasn't adopted the "triangle" or "circle" or "square" (when I worked at a call center in Ontario, management always tried to explain their "concept" in a circle. Cute. But the only people who got it were the ones that spent their breaks smoking a joint or 3 in the parking lot. I was envious. Unfortunately, my coping skills only extend to the bottom of a bottle of vodka and I really get nothing when I'm drunk, they had to explain it 20 times before they finally realized they were talking to a deaf and possibly blind chimpanzee), a company where they hire for skill instead of geneology, a company that will more than just walk you to your desk on the first day - they will show you where the washrooms are too. A company that shares the wealth when they delve into an industry normally reserved for organized crime. And finally, a company that has a vending machine with beer in it. Too much to ask?