Day 34: Top Signs a Guy Isn't Into You

Trying to jobhunt here (okay, not really, but I'm going to) and I come across yet another article on "Top Signs a Guy Isn't Into You". Really? Ladies, do we even care? And even if we did, is this where we now get our dating advice? How about this, take my advice. I'm somewhat of an expert on the subject. Someone recently told me, "dating you is like watching a trainwreck. You can't pull yourself away until it's one big pile of fiery carnage." I was flattered. But I don't really know what he meant by it.

Yahoo Article Debunked "8 Signs He's Not Interested in You"

1. What Yahoo says - He Never Calls You First
He never calls you AT ALL or when he does, he's drunk, it's midnight, and he needs you to bail him out of jail.

2. What Yahoo says - He Won't Plan Ahead
Yes, he does plan ahead. He plans ahead to make sure he can avoid you.

3. Yahoo says - He Won't Come Up For a Nightcap
This never happens! But if it does, you have to assume he's gay, you've got a second head growing out of your neck, and your speaking in a strange tongue and doing that thrashy thing. But even then, he'll still come up.

4. Yahoo says - He Doesn't Ask You Questions
Guys DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS ANYWAY except, "where's your bathroom?" and "can you watch my beer for me?" and "where's your remote control?" "what do you mean you don't have cable?" The last one is kind of rhetoric.

5. Yahoo says - He Doesn't Call When He Says He Will
I think we already covered that with #1, guys don't call on purpose, anyway. Your just naive if you think he's going to call before midnight.

6. Yahoo says - He Hasn't Introduced You To His Family
He can't, they have a restraining order out against you.

7. Yahoo says - His Friends Don't Know You Exist
Yes, they do. You dated his best friend.

8. Yahoo says - He's Vague About Getting Together Again
That's over-analyzing things. You've really got too much time on your hands if your sticking around waiting by a phone.

The Real 8 Signs That He's Not Interested in You

1. He Can't Remember What You Look Like

2. He Gives You a Fake Name

3. Everytime You Go On A Date There Seems To Be Another Woman Lurking In The Shadows

4. He Said He Was Bringing The Car Around Front. That Was 4 Days Ago.

5. After You Pump His Gas, He Hands You $20 and Drives Away

6. When You Talk About A Vacation Together, He Insists On Paying Your Airline Ticket. One-Way.

7. You Have A Garage Sale Together But It's Only Your Stuff For Sale.

8. 2 Strangers Show Up At The Door Speaking Broken English And Inform You That You've Been Sold For 2 Cartons of Marlboros