Day 39: Let There Be Cake...

I vaguely remember being out in public last night after 2 suicide martinis and 2 pints of Warthog. I'd like to apologize now for everyone affected. First of all, I'd like to apologize to my cousin's fiance for forgetting her name (it started with a T, T is so far down the alphabet...). I'd also like to apologize to the Saturday night Remedy guys for professing my love for cake through the open window upstairs. Lastly, I'd like to apologize to the little kids in Chuck E Cheese for my vile language and booziness. In my defense however, I'm sure they've seen it all before. We don't coddle kids here. Suck it up, little Stewie! Go cry to your stepmother. Hell, it's Edmonton, I probably smelled and sounded like their mother. So maybe they liked me and the familiar stench of vodka and beer. Or was that moment of what I thought was bonding was actually the beginning of our token war? I swear the little bastards were stealing my tokens. I blame them for me walking away with only one piece of Laffy Taffy. I could be so rich on Laffy Taffy right now. Life is so not fair. What am I going to eat now? Laffy Taffy is a diet staple. In fact, their mother is probably making breakfast for them right now at 7:30pm at night. But me, I have to make my own. How is that fair? Next time, they are going DOWN. It is war.

During my binge of inappropriateness, I also managed to place a standing cake order. For some reason, I felt it was the right time in my life to have cake for breakfast every morning. "Let there be cake!" I said. I have a feeling I might gain weight. Between the standing cake order and football/hockey season, I doubt I'm going to have another date again until June anyways and then it would be just my luck to get a job in some place like Saudi Arabia. My school-girl skirt hiked up to my butt is not as appreciated over there. Oh well, their loss. ANYWAYS, I did order raw, vegan, gluten-free cheesecake***. Even when I'm drunk, I try hard to maintain the delicate booze-food balance. The more I drink, the less I eat, and then the more I can drink. It's a diet I'm thinking of selling.

Well, enjoy your stupid hockey/football out there. I'm going to bed.

***Raw, vegan, gluten-free cheesecake. Yes, there is such an animal. Go to Remedy Cafe on 109th (Edmonton). The cakes are made by Jag, who is very annoying in his diligence and intensity with his creations. AND with his stubbornness towards his friends. He will NOT take "bacon" for an answer.