Day 73: I Am Me

What's worse than going to a job interview is having to say no to the job in the end. I think I've already mentioned this before. This morning I had to say no to one job and get interviewed for another. I throw up alot when I'm stressed out, too, and today is going to be a stressful day. Oh well. Saves on groceries in the end. It's hard to tell if last weekend was alcohol poisoning (chocolate stout, bleh, really) or stress or both because my week pretty much started out the same, throwing up. I guess I knew this was coming, the interviews and all the decisions. It's just, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack some days. I want to live!!! After all this is done and over with, I'm never going to move or change jobs or do anything different again.

I'm done, I tell you, done with stress. Although working at a job that isn't right would be more stressful, because you know in the end you have to eventually leave that job. I think my last job was alot like that, I knew I could never please the big guys (that group of people who think money can buy anything, but it really can't, and if you think it can, then your body will eventually be fished out of the bottom of the ocean along with two unfortunate pilots or scraped off the side of a tree on a ski hill). I only stayed for the schedule and the free flights. That eventually disintegrated, too.

No, your job has to be somewhat fun to go to everyday. If I wanted to be the perfect robot, I wouldn't have quit the army reserves after only four months (I got to keep the black face polish and boxers, that was fun until the polish expired and my skin broke out in giant goiters). Some people can do it, I just can't. I need the freedom to check my laces at the most inopportune time. I need the freedom to run backwards or stop and smell the flowers or talk to rabbits. I'm tired of apologizing to people for my retardedness. I say "I'm sorry" within the first 60 seconds of every conversation because I assume I'm doing something wrong. But I am me. I'll always be me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to change that, either.

I am open-minded, however. When things do work, compromise is not so hard. I'll eat the chunky peanut butter this week. But next week, it's got to be the creamy.