Day 61: I Want to be Something Special, Too

I don't even know what to write anymore. Nothing like a holiday weekend without the family. Kind of brings you down to zero. Although apparently my brother was steaming drunk by noon on Easter Sunday and passed out before dinner was even served. The only thing I really missed was some drunken belligerence and my sister-in-law yelling. I get to see that everytime I go back to Ontario to visit, so basically Easter Sunday was like any other day for them.

Me, well I threw up some chocolate (I thought I could eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner but I don't have what it takes anymore), felt sorry for myself, got a little tipsy at my friend's house and fought with my roommate, and then ate a pretty decent pasta dinner (that means it wasn't made by me, thanks J). I somehow made it home around midnight. I also vaguely remember stepping on some very tiny bunnies trying to get to my bed (thanks D).

Continuuing on with the jobhunting this week. Even going to (bleh) try NavCanada and write those tests again for air traffic control. This time I'll do it sober. I just wish I could do something worthwhile. Feeling kind of worthless lately. I want to be something special, too!!! (no comments, please). I feel like I'm swimming in the middle of the ocean right now. Like one of my friends told me, North America is a big empty shell. Big "opportunities", but nothing inside. Even when you do end up getting your dream job, you discover that A. it either doesn't pay the rent as much as you would have wanted it to, or B. it really wasn't what you thought it was. Like NavCanada, a giant Foxtrot Uniforming Charlie Kilo India November Golf fish bowl.

I suppose it all comes down to the people. A job is just a job unless you've managed to fit into that club or surround yourself with friends and family. I've yet to do that anywhere. I've unfortunately always marched to the beat of my own drum, so I've all to often left my family and rarely made many friends wherever I've gone. I don't like getting attached either, it makes decisions such as leaving difficult. But it's inevitable that you'll become attached to something after a year. However, is that the final decision here? Should I be going back to Ontario to my family? Or take what little I have here and make a go at it? Fitting in is the hardest thing for me to do and fitting in to Alberta has been even harder. Most people just stare at me like a science project gone wrong. Which is a normal reaction, I understand, I'm used to that, but love me or hate me, the train wreck does eventually end.

Well, this week is a new week, see what it brings. I can honestly say I've got meetings and classes this week. A full schedule, really.