Day 74: Just Say No

Busy week, I guess three months of jobhunting is starting to pay off. However, many of the jobs that I applied for were by mistake or by desperation. So I've been practising my "no's" this morning, "No, I am not able to fly to Hong Kong tomorrow for a nanny position." (that's just a prostitution ring waiting to be discovered, no?!) "No, I am not a medical doctor and I cannot do heart surgery but I did go to the hospital once. To visit." "Unfortunately, I do not have military experience and despite what my resume says, I cannot shoot a gun.".

I guess I'm a little intense. Or alot intense. It's just when there's something that needs to get done, I have to do it. If there's something I want, I do anything I can to get it. I'm like that wind-up toy wound up too tight. I eventually wear down, but it takes a while. A wound-up too tight jack russell terrier wind-up toy. Annoying for many, I'm sure. However, I said yesterday that I won't apologize for the way I am anymore. And if you've got something I want, well, good luck with that, there will be alot of running involved, and possibly small animals being tread on.

The only confusing times for me and many around me is when I don't know what I want. That's what it's been like for the last few months. Someone as intense as me without direction is like letting loose a bull in a china shop. Things get shattered. But then something always snaps in my head, sometimes due to an abundance of alcohol and whatever else that can destroy any life-sustaining organ in my body. I put the bleach bottle away last week (permanently this time, I'm getting too old and tired for this self-loathing, downward spiral), and I'm running this new direction like a high speed train. I'm just deathly afraid the tracks aren't finished where I'm heading. I don't usually plan things out so well, and, well, crashing and burning seem to have been my trademarks in the past. I am looking forward to the change, however, so I'm going to at least enjoy the trip even if it ends through a wall of fire.

Besides, the anxiety of it all is good for the weight loss. I highly recommend life-changing events; they destroy your will to eat. On top of that, I'm feeling kind of bulimic these days, can barely put a toothbrush in my mouth without trying to hold down my cookies. It's about freaking time, man, all those years working in the office, thought I would never see my cute butt again. And really, life is all about the perfect butt. Soon, soon I am so wearing a bikini down Whyte Ave...