Day 27: Another Night of "Looking for Work"

I am never going to "look for work" ever again as long as I live. I'm so done with "looking for work". It was a train wreck last night, as per usual. Lots of bad dancing, possibly doing "the robot" (I was trying to compete with someone slightly more crazy than me but apparently I still won the prize for best spectacle), getting the waitress to take my mugshot (I was apparently expecting to get arrested and thought it would be nice to have everything ready for the cops), lots of hugging(it started with me hugging the giant bottle of vodka and it just got out of control from there), proclaiming my love for traffic lights on the 109th street bridge (there are no traffic lights on the 109th street bridge). The night ended with me trapped in a washroom with a sliding door. All in the name of art (Latitude 53). My favorite piece was the cupid with an automatic, it's timeless.

Sooooooooo, what to do today. Definitely not the flea market. Nothing worse on a weak stomach than shopping for old dvds and books amongst displays of crack pipes. Don't get me wrong, the flea market is an excellent learning experience and I appreciate that. For example, I did not know the difference between a marijuana pipe and a crack pipe before coming out to Edmonton. And I've been smoking crack for years...

Just in case my nieces or nephew are reading this - I am joking and I do not smoke crack. Only babies smoke crack. You know, crack babies. Crack is wrong. Really really wrong. People who smoke crack grow a second head. It's great really, you need the backup brain after the first one is fried. Then your feet become webbed and you grow a sixth toe so your body can support 2 heads. Then you get goiters. Lots and lots of goiters on your nose (ha, nosES, you've got a second head). Until your noses falls off, of course. After that, bacon just doesn't smell the same anymore.

All this "looking for work" has made me tired and I still have to start writing my cookbook, "Cooking with GI Jane". Since I don't know any recipes, I'm hoping you guys can help out a little and we can try out yours. Just remember GI Jane is very angry, does not know how to cook very well (not with a stove or oven, anyway), prefers recipes that are limited to 2 ingredients but understands that great meals don't always come in vacuum packs, and does not like stirring or shaking or raw eggs. Hates the raw eggs. And forks make her really angry. Flashbacks from the war. You know the war - the war of the worlds. Send me your recipes, anyway, and maybe we can make something work in between pushups and situps. GI Jane is a good multi-tasker.

Please send your recipes to jmh234@yahoo.ca.