Day 29: The Epiphany

Thank the spell checking gods for this one. Epiphany.

So I had an Epiphany last night, before I dreamt of worm larvae in my coffee. That was gross, I'm telling you. It was all in the coffee grounds when I opened up the bag. But after the dream with the dancing firemen. Although the dancing firemen might have NOT been a dream...we'll just leave it at that. I had an epiphany somewhere between the hours of 10pm and 2am. And it was a good one. but I'm not going to tell you about it. The chances of me actually getting what I want are slim to nothing. And I'm okay with that. That's life. But the less you know, the better. Than I don't have to kill you later if I get one of those highly-classified jobs. You know, like a Russian spy. My fake Russian accent is excellent so no doubt Moscow is reading my resume right now. By the way, if you don't have a fake accent, you should get yourself one. They're very useful when you're pulled over for speeding.

I used to have epiphanies everyday. Waking up in the morning was fun, it used to involve lots of yelling, a flurry of showering activities, and then a complete blur of empty chocolate bar wrappers. But somehow by the end of the day someone managed to pop my proverbial bubble, "No, Joanne, you really can't become a Mexican national and live in a hut on the beach." Really, why the hell not? Is it so wrong? People do it all the time. Or, "No Joanne, you really need your pilot's license before becoming a fighter jet pilot." How hard can it be? Honestly... "Joanne, you need to pass a psychological evaluation before becoming a submarine captain." True. You should be mentally ill before going on a submarine for months on end...

The epiphanies began to stop about 5 years back. I had a good run overseas with one(quit my job on a decision I made overnight. I was in Taiwan within 2 weeks, fake degree in hand and teaching little kiddies English. Never thought of myself as a kid person, ever, but they're really quite entertaining at times) but my fake degree could only get me so far. I needed a real one this time. Back into the land of "We know what you did in kindergarten..." EDITED I did need a real degree so I stuck it out, gained 20lbs, and lost the will to live.

The epiphanies started again about a year ago when I was in Charleston, SC. We met this girl at the car rental agency (by the time we got the car, it was time to return it but there was a lot of politeness going on. Creepy. Very creepy...would have loved to yell FU at the top of my lungs just to to see if they gave me the electric chair for it). Anyhow, this girl, wow, certifiable, driving through the mountains in winter to New York City on a mission with her dog - she was going to write a kick-ass book and everyone is going to read it and love it. She did not know what she was going to write about or where she was going to get her next meal (Daddy, probably). But wow. I thought, I used to be certifiable like that. What happened to me?

Since Day 1 of my unemployment, it's been everyday again. At first, it was just a, "I'm going to learn to bake" (ahahahahahaha. never.). Now I wake up with chocolate in my hair every morning and I know. I'm back to being certifiable. Life is good. Pop this proverbial bubble and I'll cut you.