Do you need to wear pants if your unemployed? Really? I mean, I'm finding it difficult seeing the point of it. Everything is done via internet now, I don't need to even leave my apartment. The only face I had to see today was my manager's poodle head as he fired me. His head is so little, must be difficult to form sentences for him. Maybe he's got some sort of poodle powers. I really should send him a thank-you card, I was so rude, forgot to say thank-you as I was walked out of the office. I'll do that next week. Put it on the list of things that require me to put pants on. Mind you, it's Edmonton, I don't think it's necessary to wear pants to the post office. Ah, but it's winter, people tend to wear clothes when it's colder than -20C. Makes sense. I don't want people to be concerned about me. But just wait until the next Chinook - I'm going to be so naked.
Things I No Longer Need to Do: 1. Come home from work. 2. Put pants on. 3. Bathe. 4. Speak full sentences. 5. Drink vodka from a sippy cup (I can drink right from the bottle now). 6. Pay my Visa bill. 7. Call my boss a poodle. 8. Eat with a fork or spoon. 9. Remember names of people (that gets a little tricky dating, but pick a name to call all of them, like dude, or man, "hey dude" "hey man", can't go wrong with that). 10. Dial a phone (unless I have to order pizza. but chicken wings are disgusting, no chicken wings. You know that they don't even kill the chickens anymore? They just grow like 8 sets of wings on them and then cut them off when they're big enough. I'm serious!!! Someone told me.).
Haven't thought of any job prospects yet. Oh, okay, I have...prostitute, stripper, drug-dealer, they are all great high income opportunities. I'll have to explore those a little further though before I make any final decisions. That's a mature thing to do. Like eating Brie cheese. I love cheese. Just not blue cheese in the microwave. I thought my roommate had a serious intestinal disorder until I realized the smell was coming from the microwave and not the washroom. Ahhh. Okay, Cheese Tester. I would never have to buy cheese again. I taught my roommate today how to make grilled cheese sandwiches without ten pounds of butter. If you shove enough greasy cheeses inside the sandwich, the grilled cheese fries itself in it's own cheese grease.
No, I did not look for a job today. I just got fired, leave me alone.
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I'm pretty sure Sunterra will deliver groceries. They have all kinds of fancy meats and cheeses in there.
ReplyDeleteOr call one of the disability services and tell them your an Agoraphobic, might be cheaper.
Sunterra? That's definitely not a service for the unemployed. I'm going to try the disability card once I get back from vacation. I'll let you know how that works!
ReplyDeleteHere's a good link to get you started!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.mealsonwheelsedmonton.org/services.html