Nah, it's really still Day 7 but I don't plan on waking up tommorrow. I've rediscovered Peach Schnapps. Thanks J, and thanks even more for helping me reinvent my alcoholism. I appreciate it, and Visa doesn't know I'm unemployed yet so I'm all good. It will take them a few months to figure out I'm never going to pay them again, but by then, my phone will be cut off and I'll be homeless so I'm not too worried.
Peach Schnapps smells good, tastes good, and I can actually afford to bathe in it. So I did. Strange, it was liquor I long considered to only be mixed with orange juice in a 2L coke bottle and drunk through a swivel straw at a bush party. I never drank it again after I fell down a ravine and into a golf course. I hitchhiked home that night because I thought I would miss curfew, only to be picked up by a police officer and then dropped off at a bus stop(still made it home by 10pm, and I smelled peachy, toooo peachy...). Now I'm old enough to fill the 2L coke bottle with martinis: 2 shots vodka + 1 shot peach schnapps + 1 mango puree. I'm pretty sure you can clean your bathtub with that, too.
Job search begun. I've plagiarized my resume and applied for every job that allows me to vacation 1 week every month in Mexico. Sombrero required. No, really. I need a Sombrero. Anyone? I want to wear one for my driver's license photo...
You know, maybe I'm going to wake up tommorrow after all. Buy some shoelaces. Sew a button on my coat (I usually just throw the coat out after the third button pops off, never did figure out the whole sewing thing. But I'm unemployed now and need to conserve. Conserve...coats...I guess). I was going to do a little grocery shopping, but I don't really feel like french fries in the mall. In fact, I'm not really a fry person at all. Back to peanut butter, I guess but that requires camping in aisle 73(oh, and I'm never eating butter again. Unless there's a martini combination I don't know about using butter...).
And no, I'm not getting fat from sleeping all day. I feel like freaking Rocky. I eat. I feel fat. I go to the gym because, well, I feel fat, and I don't have a job, do I? What else am I going to do? Grocery shop in the food court at the mall? Then I drink. I feel fat again. Go to the gym again. Then I crush pistachios with my neck and watch Family Guy. Ah, screw the white picket fence, this is the life...living the dream...ridng through the mystical valley on a unicorn...
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If you're planning on being homeless, check out http://forums.homeless.org.au/
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I also heard once that if you stop showering, your body will eventually compensate somehow and stop producing odour. That doesn't seem to help the stench of urine though, so please at least continue to use the toilet.
Too funny. But the not showering thing, there is an odour that comes out of the pores from the oils from the food we eat. I don't want to smell like cheese, so I've decided to start showering agaon.
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